I am
so happy to have Lisa Thomson on my blog today. She is a wonderful friend who I
met through our blogs and a great writer. On The Great Escape, she blogs about
divorce and relationships. Even though I’m not going through a divorce, I
always enjoy reading her posts because of their truth. They help me to deal
with other hard spots in my life and especially my past.
Welcome,
Lisa!
Lisa: Thanks
for having me as a guest on your blog, Chrys. Yours is one of my favorite blogs
to read!
Chrys: That's very sweet of you to say. Let's begin, shall we? :)
1. Can
you tell us about your blog The Great
Escape?
Lisa: The
Great Escape blog began as an extension of my self-help book of the same name;
the goal being to help women starting their divorce process. I started the blog
in October, 2011. It was (is) a way to communicate with my potential book
readers. I was told that I had to have a blog if I was an author and you know
what? I didn’t know what a blog was earlier that year. I share tips for divorce
navigation, health and recovery as well as inspirational stories. My goal is to
educate, entertain and show women they can come out of this experience a strong
and healthy woman.
2. On
your blog and in your book (A Girl’s Guide to Leaving a Marriage), you openly
talk about your divorce. What made you decide to be so candid about this
private and emotional time in your life?
Lisa: Sometimes
I ask myself that same question, LOL. Seriously though, I was going through so
much crazy stuff at the time and my divorce was turning out to be a complete
nightmare. I had hoped to remain friends with my ex and get through the divorce
without high conflict. What I was learning early on is, divorce is an extremely
difficult process and we feel very alone in it.
I
started journaling so I could channel my frustration. After a year of
journaling, I had an ‘aha’ moment. I thought, why not write a book to help women who have decided to end their
marriage but don’t know where to begin? That’s who I was initially and I remember I couldn’t find any helpful books.
Most of the books talked about recovering your broken marriage etc. Plus, women
who decide to end their marriage don’t get as much support from family and
friends. There’s this underlying attitude that says “That’s what you chose, so
too bad…” For example, I experienced many questions about ‘why’ I left, and
quite frankly, it’s no one’s business but your own. People still have this
inherent belief that unless he beats you, why would you leave. You must be
selfish. I say we stop waiting for a catastrophe, let’s value ourselves more
than that.
On
that same theme, we still expect men to leave and women to be the victim. Look
no further than pop culture.
So,
as woman if we decide to leave, we throw that stereotype on its head. My book
aims to bridge that gap of support.
A Girl's Guide to Leaving a Marriage by Lisa Thomson BOOK LINKS: Amazon / Goodreads |
3. What
was your very first blog post?
Lisa: My
very first blog post was titled simply, “Welcome”
Haha. It was a way for me to introduce myself and explain why I wrote my
book.
4. Many
of your readers are all going through divorce or a hard time in their
relationships, what advice do you give them most often?
Lisa: Most
often I encourage my readers to take the chance to improve their life. I remind
them to listen to their instincts. I also listen carefully to what people tell
me in their messages. Some women are still in love with their husband but are
very frustrated with where their marriage is at. I always recommend counseling
for these couples because divorce isn’t always the clear cut answer. I also
hear from women who are in mentally abusive marriages and they want out but
don’t know where to begin. So, my advice is very personal to each woman’s
situation.
5. What
are the top 5 most-viewed posts on your blog?
6. You
also write for Huffington Post, can you tell us your experience with that?
Lisa: Writing
for HuffPost Divorce is really great exposure. However, that said they don’t
always feature your posts, so you have to work the social media connections
pretty hard to get the exposure you’re hoping for. It’s easy to get lost in the
sea of amazing bloggers. On the other hand, when you’re featured you must be
prepared for Trolls.
7. Share
your number one tip to bloggers just starting out.
Lisa: Definitely
visit lots of blogs in your niche. Those blogs are likely to have your target
audience. That said, don’t be spammy. Be considerate, like you would at any
social event.
Oh,
and don’t take it personally when someone rejects your submission or doesn’t
reciprocate your interactions. Just hold your head high and move on. You will
find your tribe.
Escapee Badge |
Hyper Round:
1. Favorite time to
post blogs? Mornings
2. Blogger or
Wordpress? Wordpress
3. Do you host guests? Not
enough
4. Where are you when
you’re blogging? At my desk that faces a bank of windows. It’s in the same room
as the television which can be problematic.
BIO:
When Lisa separated from her husband in 2005, she found
very few books that told her what divorce was really like. In 2007, Lisa
set out to write a self help guide for women ending their marriages and was
sure to include her own personal stories and experiences, so women could get a
realistic impression of what divorce is all about. Throughout the book, Lisa
encourages you to “choose joy” and be a “hero in your own life”. A must read for the economically dependent
spouse thinking about ending their marriage.
Currently, Lisa resides happily in Vancouver, B.C. with
her common law husband of six years. Her 3 children are in their 20’s and are
wonderful humans, proof positive that children can thrive in spite of divorce.
When Lisa isn’t writing you can find her at the beach, in yoga class, or at her
painting easel with a glass of wine in hand.
LINKS:
Lisa: Thank you so much
for hosting an interview with me, Chrys.
Thank you for taking the time to chat with me, Lisa! I'd love to have you back.
Please leave Lisa a comment. :)
QUESTION: Do you have a divorce-related question for Lisa?
QUESTION: Do you have a divorce-related question for Lisa?
Hello, I enjoyed meeting Lisa Thomson thank you for having her own as it gave me a new blog to visit. Have a nice week and I will visit again soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping over to my little blog :) Have a great weekend!
DeleteThanks for stopping by my blog and Lisa's blog! :)
DeleteI've seen some nasty divorces, wasn't pretty. Why I stay single and just have cats lol much less stress hahaha
ReplyDeleteYou're obviously a wise man, Pat ;) Most divorces are nasty, at least they all start that way. I've seen that in time, divorced couples can become amicable again. So, there is a little hope.
DeleteI'm single and just have cats too, but one day I'd like to have a marriage. And I'd hope to not have to go through a divorce, but you can't ever truly know if you will or not. My parents divorced when I was a teen and it was very mutual. They had stayed together as long as they did for us kids, but they lived on separate sides of the house, so it was as if they already were divorced.
DeleteSorry about the trolls.
ReplyDeleteThat someone would ask why you left is just rude.
Hope your blog and book helps many others, Lisa.
Thank you, Alex! It really is rude and I was surprised at the people who were asking. They were some of the people closest to me and who used to complain that my husband was a big jerk, while I was married to him---LOL.
DeleteYour blog and book are amazing. I read her book and passed it on to a friend who said it was very helpful. I'm sorry to say, Lisa, that she's not much of a reader and probably won't ever write a review. She hasn't even read or reviewed my short stories! :P
DeleteInteresting interview and it appears that Lisa has found a needed niche to address and is helping women...
ReplyDeleteHi Sage, thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, I have definitely found a great outlet and method to help so many women and men, too. It feels great to put my experience (both good and bad) to productive use. Thanks for reading!
DeleteShe sure has. Thanks for leaving a comment, Sage!
DeleteVery interesting topic to write about; I can see why it could be well received, especially if there were not a lot of books about going through a divorce before. Hopefully something I won't ever have to read to take the advice from, but wishing Lisa success with it :)
ReplyDeletebetty
It's not a book topic you find often and I think that's because many people don't want to discuss it. But Lisa has done something great with her book and blog. :)
DeleteHi Betty, thanks for commenting. All the books at the time we very clinical. Psycho-speak. Not exactly telling of the experience from a personal point of view. That's what I needed and I hope I've provided with my book. Oh, I know what you mean and you probably won't have to read a book like mine :)
DeleteNevermind the 'meanies' (trolls), Lisa, the general topic of your work is vitally important in a world where divorce is a matter of course, though talking about it is not. I've enjoyed your blogs and thoughtful expressions of realizing that no one ever intends to make a mistake; male or female, and accepting that is the first step to getting past it. You've a powerful voice, Lisa. Don't ever stop talking! :-)
ReplyDeleteChrys, what a stirring interview! Thanks for sharing your friend with us :-)
Great comment, Diedre! I couldn't have said it better myself.
DeleteYou're welcome. I'm glad you found this insightful. And I love sharing my friends. The two of you would get along greatly. :)
Thank you so much Diedre! What a lovely compliment. I always say, if I help one person I've accomplished my goal. Of course I want to help many :)
DeleteHi Chrys and Lisa - a really useful book I imagine ... the points you bring over resonate with me. I was glad to get out of mine relatively unscathed. So good luck and I'm sure many will read and learn from your thoughts ... instincts should be brought to the fore more often. Cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteHi Hilary, Thank you! Yes, our instincts tend to get numb and we stop listening to the very voice that has all the answers. That was my experience and so I hope to rekindle that voice in others.
DeleteHi, Hilary! I'm glad your divorce went well considering the alternative. Hugs!
DeleteThis is excellent! You are so right that unless the guy is abusive you should be always happy to be with him. I am still good friends with my ex and he would come at 2am to help me if I need it and vice versa but when people meet my ex and hear what he does they look at me and say...Why would you want to leave him? He is so nice. I feel like I am not only judged but they are waiting to execute me. When i tell him how he was as a marriage partner, not a friend, they begin to see the light. He sucked at being a marriage partner and didn't want any responsibility that takes, he likes to be present for a couple of hours and then be off and on his own. I grew and realized what I truly wanted. Now i have a wonderful hubby where we fight, disagree, laugh and all the rest but I feel free to do this whereas before, I felt I could not. My hubby has his faults as do I but we work as a team. I think it's great that you wrote a book about divorce and that it's OK if he is not a true jerk or abusive but just a jerk to you...I guess:) Loved reading this
ReplyDeleteThere are so many reasons to leave a marriage. Abuse is a BIG one but not always the reason. I'm glad you and your ex get along and are there for each other, Birgit. That's wonderful! And congrats on finding a winner. :)
DeleteHi Birgit, Thank you for sharing your story. Exactly. People want to judge who and why you left but unless they're in your shoes---they don't know. I'm happy to hear you and your ex are on such wonderful terms. The fact that he's a better friend than a husband is interesting because when our ex isn't our friend after divorce, we sometimes wonder if we ever were friends. Sounds like you have a happy and healthy marriage now! Awesome!!
ReplyDeleteChrys, you are so good an interviews and this one is no exception.
ReplyDeleteThanks for a great read.
Yvonne.
Thank you, Yvonne!
DeleteThanks, Yvonne! :)
DeleteInteresting topic. It's so true that when you go looking for a book on a certain subject and don't find it, perhaps you were called to write it.
ReplyDeleteKizmet, destiny....hmmm. I agree, Liz. I reached a point where I thought I wouldn't finish it and I felt defeated. I pushed on by some power outside myself. Thanks for your thoughtful comment. :)
DeleteSo true and great advice for writers too.
DeleteI'm so glad that you pushed yourself to finish your book, Lisa!
You're doing a great service for women with your book, Lisa. Good for you, and it's wonderful that things have worked out well for you.
ReplyDeleteGreat interview, Chrys. Have a nice weekend.
Have a great weekend, Beverly!
DeleteAw, thank you so much, Beverly. I appreciate your kind words!
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with trolls? Does a bit of success bring out the evil in some people?
Best of luck, Lisa!
Thanks, Elizabeth! The topic seems to attract some angry trolls :)
DeleteI think trolls looks for ways to bring people down. And yes, there are certain topics that get some fired up.
DeleteWhat a great book to write! Not the situation of course, but if we can't share those moments and be there in one way or another to others who might feel just as alone then what are we? Finding and offering comfort and support is priceless. Great interview, ladies!
ReplyDeleteThank you, S.K.
DeleteThe situation is not so good, but what came out of it...Lisa's book and blog...are great!
DeleteIt is very nice to meet you Lisa. I too have been divorced and there is never a "winner". Glad you made a positive out of it. Have a great weekend and Chrys, thanks for featuring another blogger. It is always nice to meet someone new.
ReplyDeletesherry @ fundinmental
Hi Sherry, you're right that there's never a winner. We just try to come out unscathed and that's not often possible. Making lemons...
DeleteThanks for leaving a comment, Sherry!
DeleteFascinating interview. I didn't know there was a blog out there about this topic. It most certainly sounds helpful for those going through this experience.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Medeia. There's certainly many blogs out there on the topic. When I was first separated there were zero blogs. That's a great example of divorce progress :)
DeleteI really don't think there's another blog out there like Lisa's, which is why I knew I had to interview her. :)
DeleteIt's odd that lots of people ask why people are splitting up, but no one asks why people are getting married. It might be a good thing if that question were asked more.
ReplyDeleteExcellent point, Patsy! Thanks for mentioning that. :)
DeleteYes, great point!
DeleteGreat interview and great tips.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mary!
DeleteThank you, Mary :)
DeleteI haven't gone through a divorce, but I think Lisa's book is a great idea. She's right - most pop culture does paint women as victims who get dumped by their husbands.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a great blog. Thanks for introducing us to Lisa, Chrys.
Lisa's book is such a great idea. My sister is divorcing due to abuse but she's the one taking the step and taking action. She dumped him! ;)
DeleteThank you for hosting Lisa and allowing us a chance to know about her book, Chrys. I don't have a divorce question. Popped by because my characters are going through it, but I think I've learned a lot. Sadly, it does seem like a stigma for women to get a divorce when there isn't physical abuse involved. I will check out Lisa's blog right after this! Cheers to both of you. xoxo C.
ReplyDeleteOf course! I knew I had to have Lisa on as a guest. And don't worry...you'll be one of my guests too. I have planned on that! ;)
Delete