AUTHORS NOTE: No need to worry about any spoilers, as this doesn’t reveal anything that happens in the story and can easily lead into the beginning of Hurricane Crimes.
Unedited Alternate Ending:
Beth woke in the middle of her bed, beneath her sage
green comforter. Sleep paralysis consumed her limbs. She blinked once, twice
while her brain fought out of the fog of her dream.
God,
it had felt so real. Donovan had seemed so real.
Slowly, her arms and legs revived from their stupor. She
eased out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom to steam the false memory of
Donovan from her mind. After she dressed, she moved through the house to the
living room. The roof above her head was whole, there was no water on the
ground, and the windows were letting in the October sun.
She plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV to the
morning news. The weather report was on. She listened to it while she went into
the kitchen to prepare a cup of coffee.
“The National Weather Service upgraded the tropical
depression to a category 3 hurricane overnight, making it the nineteenth storm
of the year—Hurricane Sabrina.”
Beth dropped her mug, shattering it and spilling coffee
onto the kitchen floor. She rushed into the living room, and stared at the TV with wide eyes. On the screen was an image of Florida, and in the Atlantic Ocean
was the swirling mass of a hurricane.
The weatherman continued his report, “Hurricane Sabrina
is gaining strength and is on a fast track to Florida. The National Weather
Service predicts it’ll hit land as a category 5 in just four days.”
Her jaw dropped as her dream flooded back to her.
“Donovan . . .”
THE END
Why did I take this part out of the book? Because after I
read it through I thought having it all a dream ruined the whole story. And I
didn’t want to upset any readers who enjoyed it by telling them, “Well, guess
what? It didn’t happen.” I certainly would’ve been upset as a reader and screaming, “WHAT?!
It was all a dream?? That sucks! One star! ONE STAR!!!” haha
QUESTION: Do you think I made the right call by cutting
out this ending?
lol yeah the dream route sure does upset many, best to avoid it lol
ReplyDeleteI thought so. lol
DeleteI think the dream could make a reader feel cheated. Good call.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Thanks for reading, Susan! :)
DeleteAbsolutely. The 'it was only a dream' scenario is a stale cliche, the last refuge for a poor storyteller. I read your book and liked the original ending.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I don't know why, when I was writing it, I thought it would be cool. I know well enough to avoid cliches.
DeleteShort answer. Yes. Making it all a dream is like taking the candy back.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly is. Thanks for reading, Clee! :)
DeleteMy pleasure. Hope to see this one out and about.
DeleteHurricane Crimes is available on Amazon. I'm currently writing the sequel. :)
DeleteThe it-was-just-a-dream thing always makes me think of Bobby Ewing in Dallas - a whole season that never really happened! Quite brazen of them really, but had a lot of people throwing cushions at the TV when he stepped out of that shower!
ReplyDeleteI bet it did! I even hate the-it-was-a-dream scenario, so I can't quite figure out why I wrote it the first place.
DeleteThere's no debating--you made the right call. I recently critiqued someone's work that didn't seem half bad, until it was revealed that I'd just spend two hours reading some character's very detailed dreamed. I was NOT a happy reader. :-) (but I was nice, though constructively honest, in how I relayed my thoughts.)
ReplyDeleteDeb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com
I like to hear that. I know it bothers me as a reader, too.
DeleteYou know how much I love this story. I wouldn't want anything different. Good choice.
ReplyDeleteThat makes me feel good knowing that. Thank you so much, Sandra! :D
DeleteActually, I'm torn. In some ways I agree that it might have been frustrating to think the story was a dream. On the other hand, I love when a character has premonitions. I think you made the right call, in the big picture of your story. Nice work, Chrys!
ReplyDeleteThe premonition is exactly what I was going for. I originally wanted my readers to think, "Oh my God! Will Beth find him? Will she prevent of all this from happening?" But after I read it through myself, I felt I had to take it out because it didn't do that for me. It disappointed me instead. And, of course, I don't want to disappoint my readers.
DeleteI think you made the right call too! I've heard this from others about endings like this and I would probably feel the same way. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat! I'm so happy I chose the right ending. :)
DeleteYes, never disappoint your reader :-)
ReplyDeleteAnna from Shout with Emaginette
And I hope I never do. :)
DeleteI love the twist of learning something's all a dream at the end of a story, but I guess we've all learned that fans feel cheated when a story does that.
ReplyDeleteI usually love that twist too, but in this case I felt cheated, and I wrote it! haha
DeleteI'm glad you decided to not go the dream route, Chrys. Although I did enjoy much of the descriptive language you used here.. "Sleep paralysis consumed her limbs" and "October sun." Great writing!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the lovely compliment, Gina! :D
DeleteDreams can be iffy in fiction as they make little sense in reality and as we all know, fiction needs to make sense even when reality doesn't ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right!
DeleteI think you made the RIGHT choice. You NEVER want to cheat your readers (especially when that reader is you). You write so well, you don't want a dream to ruin YOUR dream. :-) *waves*
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Robyn. I feel I made the right choice, too. :)
DeleteRight call. Dream endings are usually a bad idea. But I'm not the first to say it.
ReplyDeleteLee
Tossing It Out
No, you're certainly not the first to say it. I say it, too, although there has been a time or two when I enjoyed the dream ending.
DeleteDream endings are frowned upon by a many a fan :) me included. I always feel kinda cheated. The only movie that I didn't was in Wizard of Oz LOL :)
ReplyDeleteYes, Wizard of Oz is about the only movie that can get away with it! lol
Delete